mood: cynical

WARNING: If you don't want to read a huge annoying rant about the world do not continue.

As I was about to begin typing this my mom called me up to tell me that my great aunt's husband died, and my other aunt has cancer.

Why is life like this? I dont get it. I know it's not something that's supposed to be understood but what's the point? Bad things always happen to good people and it's just not right. Why can't how much we have and our level in society be measured by the goodness of our hearts and not the money held tight in greedy, selfish hands. Have you ever noticed it's always the less fortunate people who try the hardest to help out people in need? It's not fucking fair.

Lately I've been wondering if the world is steadily becoming a colder place or if it's just the my perspective has changed as I've gotten older. I wish the most important things in my mind were still if I'd be allowed to go play or not. Back then everyday life was still full of surprises. I'm not saying that I've experienced everything the world has to offer but I feel like I'm coming close in Brighton. Life is so gray now. Not happy, not sad, just the same routine over and over and over and over again. I'm begining to feel like I would to anything to break this boredom. I can't really remember the last time I've had real fun. The kind where the next day your still thinking; wow...that was amazing. I wish I could just leave right now and go as far away as I could buy a plane ticket to and just go from there. Obviously thats not an option though. I just want a change so bad, but I dont know what to do and it kills me that each day I sit here in this sickening routine is another opportunity I've lost.

I know I should shut up now because noone probably cares about any of this anyway, I just had to get it out I guess. Hope for my aunt, she has a surgery coming up.

mood: uncomfortable

I just had my first nightmare in a very very long time. So tonight when i fell asleep I was thinking about how i lost my retainer last tuesday and im scared my teeth are going to shift.

MY DREAM:

 So I have this dream that im in school and katie comes up and is telling me about a conversation she had with a boy I kind of like and is all like " he knows you were checking out his ass" and i was like oh great now he will like katie instead of me. Then I go to look in the mirror and I smile and my teeth are super fucked up and moved around,like one of my front teeth is next to my back teeth and I'm like oh my gosh. They were ugly too.

Then i would like randomly forget about my ugly teeth and weird things would happen, like I went downstairs and my mom and uncle greg and amanda were sitting in lawn chairs out on the sidewalk outside my house at like 12 at night and then I look out at them and notice these foxes walking up holding dead racoons. I start sreaming and flickering the lights and banging on the windows, like completly panicking because I didn't want them to attack my mom. Finally they walk away into their burrow under my house.

After that I remembered my teeth and i felt them and they moved when I touched them so they looked even worse. So I freak out and walk into this huge lecture room where I see someone on stage apraising a violin. They were like" This violin was first played by Voltair, there was only one of these made. I think it's the single most valuable thing the school owns."

then i walk back into my living room because now i have like a fang that looks like a cat claw right next to my one front tooth. I told my mom that I think i need to go to the emergency room for my teeth and she was like okay hold on do I have like a metal disc on my back?it feels like a peice of metal is cutting into me. So she shows me her back and there's all this green writing on it like you know when you lay on something and it rubs off on your skin? it was like that. There was like a little bit of a letter to my dad then another letter and the quadratic formula. I was like omg mom you have all this green writing on your back! and she was like oh ya i know. So then i think hey this would never really happen I bet if I open my eyes I'll be in bed. And i was right.

Okay I know that was really long and probably noone will read it but I had to get it out because I woke up really scared and now im scared for some reason. I guess I'll try to sleep now g'night

mood: mischievous

I know your all dieing to know what's going on in the incredibly exciting life of Laura Barrera, so here's the good and bad of what's been going on with me:

+ Somthing I've always wanted to do is have one of those mystery dinner parties, like clue and that one episode of Lizzie Mcguire. I'm pretty excited because me and hannah are talking about having one of those parties and I think it would be real fun. Does anyone know what's going on with katie and her party this friday? I havent heard much talk about it.

- Today we watched a sad movie about these dumb scientists who kept shooting this polar bears. I hate those scientists who devote their whole life to following a puma named susan or something. I think it's kinda pathetic.

 - tomarrow is my chapter 12 geometry test

+ I'm still happy because the braces are off

- My iPod is broken

 -I'm not going to the Rilo Kiley concert tomarrow. I wanted to go really bad. Oh well

mood: crazy

soo now my braces are off and it's a wonderful feeling. other than that im in a bad mood because I feel sick and im being super grumpy to my family and its awful. School is dumb. like the whole last month of school you dont really do much so they should just end it now. anyway on saturday i went to matt's party and hung out with hannah and sarah. That was pretty fun. Then today i have only been awake for about a quarter of the day. too much sleep makes me grumpy.

HAPPY BITHDAY MATT RICE